First things first: defining sexual abuse is fairly easy. Just from Googling it now, I’m presented with a list of definitions, most of which I agree with, although almost all of them containing elements which imply things about the abuse that I do not agree with. For example:

‘When a parent or caretaker commits a sexual offense against a child or allows a sexual offense to be committed, such as rape, sodomy, engaging a child in sexual activity, engaging a child in - or promoting a child's - sexual performance.’

·     The position of the abuser does not have to be a parent or caretaker – it can be anyone, ie, anyone who is in a position of power in relation to the child being abused. This includes teachers, neighbours, older siblings or even younger siblings etc.


‘When sex is non-consensual (not agreed upon) or a person forces another person to have sex against their will.’

·     This is rape, a form of sexual abuse. However, abuse of this kind is not limited to sexual intercourse, oh no. It includes ANY form of sexual activity, such as inappropriate touching, exposure of the victim’s genital areas, kissing, prostitution and the witnessing of adult sexual behaviour. Frequency of incidents is also unimportant in identifying whether you have been abused: if it happened regularly, then you have been abused. If it happened once, then you have been abused. Part of the tragedy is that the incidents rarely occur once as the abuser is often someone with whom the child has regular contact. All the same, don’t count yourself out if the abuse occurred once; you have still been affected by it, as all sexual abuse during childhood – regardless of severity – can lead to intense and confused feelings about love, intimacy and one’s own identity.


‘The forcing of undesired sexual behaviour by one person upon another’

·     I agree with this, but feel the need to elaborate on what constitutes as ‘force’. So many victims will say ‘I wasn’t physically forced into the abuse, therefore I had a choice’. I know, because I certainly felt like this. When sexual assault of any kind is portrayed in the media, it tends to go to extremes – physically forced rape, where it is clear that the victim was entirely powerless. But in reality there is the massive ‘grey area’ where victims do not realise that the dynamics of their abuse left them equally powerless, just in a different way. This leads me nicely onto my next point.